If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
