ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
