she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
