Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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