me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
