Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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