Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
no you cant smoke seaweed
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
