Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
