Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
