she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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