sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just googled if crying burns calories
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
