I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
