Plan B is the new Plan A
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
