I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
