the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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