Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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