Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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