just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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