eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
