i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
