Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
