there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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