he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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