I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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