I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
