just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize