Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I wish there were birth control emojis
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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