who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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