I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
