Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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