I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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