just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
