I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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