what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
