I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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