I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The power of my boobs compel you
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
