Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
