I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
