Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
