but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
