talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
