do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
