omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
