I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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