At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
