So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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