I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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