this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
it was like eating out sand paper
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
