It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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