My friends, they love my intelligence
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
