Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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