My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
