Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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