I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
