Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
