these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
