Redeem this text for a blowjob
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I need a beard to bite.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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