When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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