How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
