She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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