Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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