The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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