I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
