put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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