she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
