she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
