he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
