I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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