I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
