hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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