I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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