so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
