I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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