Ambien. No doubt about it.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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