Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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