Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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