On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
