we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
