I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
