I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
