I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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