i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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