This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
