I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
