I wish my penis had an off switch
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
