We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
