well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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