"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
