I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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