my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize